I finally had to get a scooter, a cute little 3 wheeled Go-go scooter! I park it in the living room, afraid someone will steal it out of my car and its taken so long to finally break down and buy it, I figure if someone steals it I may never get up enough nerve to buy another one.
I cant deny it was amazing, scooting around the mall over the Holiday, being able to shop for hours, looking at everything, and not being tired. My hands hurt using the scooter but because my feet are at rest I am not suffering with foot and ankle pain.
I get a lot of looks. Kids stare, people look at me, trying to figure out whats wrong with me. I am obviously not on this scooter because I'm too heavy to walk. Most people are helpful when I'm riding it, some are too helpful which annoys me, and I think to myself that most of these people would not even notice me if I were not on this scooter.
Parking in the handicapped spot without my scooter, old ladies have yelled at me, asking me whats wrong with me, but when I have my scooter, nothing is said, no strange looks questioning my ability.
Humility is getting on this scooter, at my age, and going shopping. Accepting what I cannot change, and trying to enjoy myself regardless of the status of my body not working. Vanity is on the side lines, testing me each and every day. Remembering what the nuns taught us in Catholic School, that whats on the inside is more important. Somehow, I struggle with this, its a battle of my self image, something I have already been struggling with my entire life, and now to add to the mix a little red scooter that makes me stand out, makes me look weak in my mind, I am no longer standing on my own two feet.
I hate losing control, I hate not being able to walk. But somehow I need to find the strength to move forward and accept what I cannot change.
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